I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As shirtless as possible
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
All I want is dick and wine.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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