very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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