Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
