Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
