My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
