Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
