I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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