How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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