Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
