FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
