mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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