i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She's the barista slut.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
