Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
