i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
