My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
