Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
