in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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