More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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