Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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