I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
