Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
