on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
