omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
