Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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