he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
