just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
