how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
