MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
