I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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