shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
