I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
