I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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