So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
