Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I didn't notice because vodka
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
