i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
not ubering you a puppy
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
