You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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