how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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