We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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