Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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