before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
