I need help removing her.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We got so high we made milksteak
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
