he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
