It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
