I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
