She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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