I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
