sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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