drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
