it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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