so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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