I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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