i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
