its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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