What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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