I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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