god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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