god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
