just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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