i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
