I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
