Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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