Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he was CRYING into my vagina
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Watching her eat just hurts me
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
