the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
