Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
