I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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