Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
