So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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