She's JV to your varsity
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
