I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
