So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
