it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
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You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
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Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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