It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize