There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
