I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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